ModernGear Mom - Adventures in maternity jeans shopping

This afternoon I entered a trendy maternity store, confident that I would find maternity jeans that made me look as hip, fit and fashionable as any of the women I have seen in Fit Pregnancy. But read that the correct way - I want MATERNITY jeans and not MOM jeans. The latter are generally found at places like Walmart and Saan stores, whether hanging on the rack or worn by the customers. The former come at a price…dollars and cents, yes, but also an emotional one - a toll as draining as that exacted on a swimsuit shopping excursion. Just a note, though this may be foreshadowing: the women in the pictures, even though pregnant, are models.

Long, lean and lithe…three words that have nothing to do with me…bet you this woman doesn’t have to hack off two feet of fabric and get them re-hemmed.

So, I carried an armful of Sevens, Citizens and Paige maternity jeans into the way-too-small-for-a-pregnant-woman dressing room (with a cold concrete floor…they ought to think about area rugs in there), and set about on my task.

I couldn’t find any maternity jeans with belt loops, but rather the attached belly bands that stretch over the tummy. Those styles were definitely what I went looking for as at 14 weeks now (s/he’s the size of a lemon)…
…I rather dislike tight waistbands and have been living in stretchy Lululemon for a few months.

I never knew how handy and amazing belt loops were until the moment when I found myself huffing and puffing, attempting to pull on jeans that were not too small, but rather had a very difficult-to-maneuver sturdy and thick elastic waist band.
I came close to falling out of the tiny dressing room through the curtain as I struggled and hopped, danced and swore. I loved the jeans, thought they looked great on my legs and might look okay on…if I could only get them up.

After five or more minutes of listening to this grunting and sighing and watching the dressing room curtain poke out with an elbow, a knee, a foot or my head, the saleswoman politely asked if she could help. One glance at my thonged bottom in the mirror and I knew I couldn’t ask her to do that…so I said no thanks, and discarded the Sevens. It was just too difficult for my weak Arthritic hands to get a good grip on that band and hike them up, and even if I could get Konrad’s help in the morning, I couldn’t imagine how I would get out of the embarrassment of not being able to pull them up myself after one of my numerous daily pee breaks.

Next were the Citizens and these were much better - rather than a thick waistband that I couldn’t get a grip on, the Kelly bootcut jeans had a sort of silky, stretchy, wider top that I could scrunch up and get a good grip on to pull up.

Um, just so you know, this isn’t me in the picture. No kidding, I know, you’re shocked.

In the small changing room mirror they looked quite nice from the front, so I decided to venture out to the three-way mirror. I was absolutely aghast to see my bum in jeans for the first time in months.

When did it get so wide? Why did they have to leave such a big space between the pockets on the bum, thereby widening it even more? Was this a trick mirror? And from the side, why does my ass protrude as far out as my belly??? It didn’t help when the saleswoman offered, “At least you’re proportionate…”

Anyway, these ones would do, especially with the longer cuts of sweaters now to help cover up some of the expanse of ass.

I also tried on and liked Paige Denim’s Melrose straight leg jeans too, in a lovely dark denim - same easier waistband.

Then I tried on a no-name brand and they fit okay as well, and didn’t have to be hemmed the usual two feet.

The Citizens cost $199 and the Paige ones $240, so I decided to go with the no-names at $35 and come home and find the others on ebay, so I am searching and waiting and bidding now.

Whew. This must have been practice for labour.